6621 E. Pacific Coast Highway Suite 220
Long Beach, CA 90803
310 968-4203 562 493-1161
562 596-6443 FAX
2211 Corinth Ave. Suite 309
Los Angeles, CA 90064
Alyce LaViolette, 2001
You may be in an abusive relationship if:
You are in an abusive relationship if your relationship is characterized by fear (emotional and/or physical), oppression and control.
Intimates should aim to keep their friendship and partnership alive and well.
Most of us learn about adult relationships by reading books, watching television or going to the movies. We learn that love equals romance, that men and women have specific
roles once they establish an intimate bond and that real love is a crazy, roller coaster ride. Unless we observed our parents treating each other respectfully and affectionately, these media caricatures become our reality. But real love is not crazy or based on fear. Fear gets in the way of love. Real intimacy is about friendship, affection, trust, respect, sexual and mental health.
Children who grow up in abusive families are affected even if they don't witness an incident. They feel the tension, hear things or see the results. And they learn survival skills that get in the way of their adult relationships. They learn that violence and rage - solve problems. They learn to be reactive and not proactive. They learn to interpret the behavior of others as threatening or betraying even when it isn't... and they learn how to survive in a persistent state of fear. You can interrupt the intergenerational cycle of violence by getting help.
All relationships have their share of problems and difficult times. No relationship is perfect. Adults expect particular things from each other. We do not unconditionally love, we have some conditions even though acceptance of the other person's basic personality is very important. Abuse gets in the way of intimacy. It creates a mood of apprehension and not a mood of trust. Abusive partners do not just stop being abusive because they tell you they will or make promises that they will change. Your abuser will not change without appropriate intervention, but you can change things for yourself and for your family. Call for help.