What Lessons Do Children Learn When They Grow Up in Abusive Families?
Alyce LaViolette, 2001
- Violence works - solution to problems, not a problem in and of itself.
- The safest place for me (the child) is in the arms of the abusive parent.
- Power is hierarchical and coercive.
- Abuse and violence reinforce power.
- Fear is the emotion that permeates a relationship and governs the interactions.
- Learn to react, not initiate.
- Intensity determines recognition - difficulty recognizing low-level emotions.
- Learn to focus on the weaknesses of others - cues to survival in their own families of origin often lay in personal weaknesses, not strengths.
- Learn negative and rigid gender roles and identification.
- Gentleness, compassion, empathy are signs of weakness.